This page may seem confusing as to what is actually the point being made by posting all these videos below (you will see once you scroll down). Firstly, let me share a very pivotal private moment in my life then I will get on to the point of this page and the significance of these videos posted, for I promise you there are many more to come which will challenge your thinking, concepts and misconceptions as well. If you find any of these offensive -that is very good!, indeed. Then it is for you to ask 1.)Why am I offended? 2.) Why do I believe this or that? 3.)Why do I reject this or that? 4.)What is the personal impact on my own life? 5.)Do I really live my beliefs? *Your heart and mind are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Responsibility is not just about weight of purpose and accountability. Responsibility is also about your ability to respond or your response to what you are subjected to whether it be circumstances or information. If you have not noticed my teaching style by now when it comes to the Bible, let me explain then. I am not teaching dogma or religion. I am teaching that God is approachable. Question him put him through the ringer. He says to come boldly and test him. Come to him directly, not through another person and not through dogma, religion or traditions. Come to him person to person. I am also teaching you to doubt the existence of God, make the deity prove him or herself real. Test your beliefs, prove to yourself that your thoughts, belief, faith, traditions are really your own and not some programming brainwashing stigma that you are clinging to and test if they are worth keeping from the god to the belief. Be honest where your God came from. Be honest where your beliefs come from. Be honest about where you yourself come from. Learn what you learn because you want to and have an interest in what you are learning. Test the information. Scrutanize the information (even if the source is shoddy the information may be good). Align yourself, to the information. Stay flexible my friend.
Michelle Carmela's Pivotal Moment
I have made no bones about the fact (and it is a fact) that if I had not the experiences that I have had in MY life, I would be a hard on atheist. In fact, many of my heroes are atheists and scientists. All the literal hell and tortures that I suffered through and survived as a child and youth at the hands of people in the name of God that alone would logically would bring me to understandably conclude that if there was a God that he was a son of a bitch with a cold diabolical heart or an impotent uncaring narcissist and in no matter what scenario of personality the mother fucker would be nothing but the most negative imploding ego ever. And it was he who created Satan who was also greatly abusing me (and in actuality at the time showing himself more real and an actual powerful god in every sense of the word.) No one in their right mind wants to associate with someone like that! So understandably I hated this being called God. I also feared it/him as in I lived to be perfect so not to give this being who killed his own son for disobedience a reason to kill me. The only reason I wanted to stay alive was so not to face this God face to face. If he killed his own son who loved people was against Satan and created Satan who hated people and Satan seemed to have so much power and reality in my life, I knew what I was getting with Satan, I did not want to know how much worse The God of all gods could be.
My first suicide attempt that I remember I was five years old. I kept hearing that God did not like marks and mistakes. And God hated suicide, so I attempted to kill myself. If God could not stand to look at marks and mistakes (blemishes and deformities) and hated suicide, I figured, he hated suicide because that took away his right to kill who he wanted so if he sent me to Hell as was purported to me, well how much more different could it be than what I was already living? And if I was unsuccessful and made myself "yuckie" I would be invisible to this God. Either way I was out of reach in that he would want nothing to do with me was my thinking. My last suicide attempt I was about eighteen years old going on nineteen and was just before I moved across the country as far away from my home town and family as physically out of reach as I could get.
From about the ages of twelve to eighteen I was a cutter. Once I moved across the country I was not longer a cutter, but still self harmed in the forms of self sabotaging good opportunities keeping chaos my normal. This was a major struggle because I had siblings that I had left behind and up to leaving had been their primary care giver from the age of kindgergarten. I gave my siblings my phone number but kept the number private so that no one could call information and get my address (in those days we had 411 data base and Yellow Pages that made it easy to get someone's address and phone numbers unless made private). My siblings had my phone number but not my address. They would call and tell me that they had not eaten right for days because there was no food in the house or they did not known how to cook it, despite our mother having a very good job and having time to cook or to teach my siblings to cook. It was a matter that she refused to cook and would grocery shop when she wanted to. Her money was best spent, in her eyes, on outings with her friends. I struggled greatly as one who sabatoged her self but because I had such tremendous guilt of leaving my siblings to fend for themselves, the chaos I normally felt comfortable in, I forced myself to transition to the "normal" that we term a stable life so I could send home money to my siblings. As I could, I would call them talking them through on how to spend the money that I sent them and what to purchase in the way of foodstuffs and how to cook what they purchased. My goal in my late teens and early twenties was to sue my mom for custody and adopt my siblings. On top of all this chaos, I was also dealing with the fact that I had multiple personalities.
I know I gave you a lot to unpack, and I am sure you are reading and processing in the context of today's current reality. In truth, to see the true gravity of all that I wrote, one would need to put in in the context of about thirty years ago when we did not have the helps we have today.
So how did I make it through all of that unfathomable and much unspeakable ultra reality? It is my pleasure to share this moment in time with you that for me keeps me grounded, sane and when all seems lost, sets things back to right again...
Just three days shy of my tenth birthday, I had an audible encounter with Creator/Father (Abba)/Love. He said he would raise me and he did and still is. We have had our relationship struggles. As a child, he was my father and I related to him as such. As one who became older, I related to him as an older brother. As one who then found herself single and divorcing, I came to relate to God as my husband. I have a lot of male energy in my life in the way of friends who I regard as brothers. So now mostly, I relate to God as a husband/father figure. For me personally, the spiritual is just as real and tangible as the physical and influences the physical to a great degree. Because of the experiences and memories I have had over the course of my life with Creator, I cannot deny his existence. It is not a matter of will or won't, I just simply cannot. It is like saying that I do not exist. Sure, one cannot really know if I am a real life person or a cat fish while online just from visiting my website; yet still, there is proof that someone has created this website and writes verbosely.
Regardless of my experiences and relationship with Father/Creator/Love and my recognizing the divinity of Jesus, I do not allow myself to get so caught up in dogmas. I have questions, I ask. I search. I let my mind wonder. I let me faith falter. I question my beliefs. I discect the scriptures and the words beyond the Greek and Aramaiac languages and the theory that "the Old Testament figures are the precursers to Jesus or moments when Jesus showed up before he actually became SAVIOR. I read the Bible like a movie script, like a work of historical fiction, like historical fact, like scientific fiction, like scientific fact, like fiction, like non fiction, like allagory, like a 'this is your life'. I put it down for days, weeks, months at a time, other times I cannot get enough and can easily spend one month studying out one word. For instance did you know that the concept of time and its divisions has a history? And even more interesting -understanding of Time has to do with our inner ears and space travel programs. I literally spent more than a month on the word time, about six months on the scripture of Genesis 1:1. Some of the videos below are from that study. Can you guess which word I was taking so much time on? If you guessed "God" you would be correct.
So did God create Man or Man create God? My personal answer -Yes! And each can either lead to great troubles, sorrows and tribulations or a gorgeous life constantly in a state of creativity and nurturing being.
Well enough of wandering through my mind. Here are some other folks who have put in their own research and have a lot to say about God and Man who are sure to challenge us all.
Love and Blessings to you and yours,
Michelle Carmela
My first suicide attempt that I remember I was five years old. I kept hearing that God did not like marks and mistakes. And God hated suicide, so I attempted to kill myself. If God could not stand to look at marks and mistakes (blemishes and deformities) and hated suicide, I figured, he hated suicide because that took away his right to kill who he wanted so if he sent me to Hell as was purported to me, well how much more different could it be than what I was already living? And if I was unsuccessful and made myself "yuckie" I would be invisible to this God. Either way I was out of reach in that he would want nothing to do with me was my thinking. My last suicide attempt I was about eighteen years old going on nineteen and was just before I moved across the country as far away from my home town and family as physically out of reach as I could get.
From about the ages of twelve to eighteen I was a cutter. Once I moved across the country I was not longer a cutter, but still self harmed in the forms of self sabotaging good opportunities keeping chaos my normal. This was a major struggle because I had siblings that I had left behind and up to leaving had been their primary care giver from the age of kindgergarten. I gave my siblings my phone number but kept the number private so that no one could call information and get my address (in those days we had 411 data base and Yellow Pages that made it easy to get someone's address and phone numbers unless made private). My siblings had my phone number but not my address. They would call and tell me that they had not eaten right for days because there was no food in the house or they did not known how to cook it, despite our mother having a very good job and having time to cook or to teach my siblings to cook. It was a matter that she refused to cook and would grocery shop when she wanted to. Her money was best spent, in her eyes, on outings with her friends. I struggled greatly as one who sabatoged her self but because I had such tremendous guilt of leaving my siblings to fend for themselves, the chaos I normally felt comfortable in, I forced myself to transition to the "normal" that we term a stable life so I could send home money to my siblings. As I could, I would call them talking them through on how to spend the money that I sent them and what to purchase in the way of foodstuffs and how to cook what they purchased. My goal in my late teens and early twenties was to sue my mom for custody and adopt my siblings. On top of all this chaos, I was also dealing with the fact that I had multiple personalities.
I know I gave you a lot to unpack, and I am sure you are reading and processing in the context of today's current reality. In truth, to see the true gravity of all that I wrote, one would need to put in in the context of about thirty years ago when we did not have the helps we have today.
So how did I make it through all of that unfathomable and much unspeakable ultra reality? It is my pleasure to share this moment in time with you that for me keeps me grounded, sane and when all seems lost, sets things back to right again...
Just three days shy of my tenth birthday, I had an audible encounter with Creator/Father (Abba)/Love. He said he would raise me and he did and still is. We have had our relationship struggles. As a child, he was my father and I related to him as such. As one who became older, I related to him as an older brother. As one who then found herself single and divorcing, I came to relate to God as my husband. I have a lot of male energy in my life in the way of friends who I regard as brothers. So now mostly, I relate to God as a husband/father figure. For me personally, the spiritual is just as real and tangible as the physical and influences the physical to a great degree. Because of the experiences and memories I have had over the course of my life with Creator, I cannot deny his existence. It is not a matter of will or won't, I just simply cannot. It is like saying that I do not exist. Sure, one cannot really know if I am a real life person or a cat fish while online just from visiting my website; yet still, there is proof that someone has created this website and writes verbosely.
Regardless of my experiences and relationship with Father/Creator/Love and my recognizing the divinity of Jesus, I do not allow myself to get so caught up in dogmas. I have questions, I ask. I search. I let my mind wonder. I let me faith falter. I question my beliefs. I discect the scriptures and the words beyond the Greek and Aramaiac languages and the theory that "the Old Testament figures are the precursers to Jesus or moments when Jesus showed up before he actually became SAVIOR. I read the Bible like a movie script, like a work of historical fiction, like historical fact, like scientific fiction, like scientific fact, like fiction, like non fiction, like allagory, like a 'this is your life'. I put it down for days, weeks, months at a time, other times I cannot get enough and can easily spend one month studying out one word. For instance did you know that the concept of time and its divisions has a history? And even more interesting -understanding of Time has to do with our inner ears and space travel programs. I literally spent more than a month on the word time, about six months on the scripture of Genesis 1:1. Some of the videos below are from that study. Can you guess which word I was taking so much time on? If you guessed "God" you would be correct.
So did God create Man or Man create God? My personal answer -Yes! And each can either lead to great troubles, sorrows and tribulations or a gorgeous life constantly in a state of creativity and nurturing being.
Well enough of wandering through my mind. Here are some other folks who have put in their own research and have a lot to say about God and Man who are sure to challenge us all.
Love and Blessings to you and yours,
Michelle Carmela
Origin of the "Christian" God and One to Grow On
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Origin of Religion
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Origins of The Universe
Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth...
http://mysteriousuniverse.org/2017/10/cern-scientists-say-the-universe-shouldnt-exist/
ADAM IS NOT HE FIRST MAN
Eve Was Not The First Woman
Ancient Man HomoSapien -Sapien
Genesis 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
