Relationships are as simplistic and complicated as the human species. Really, the information is so vast and fascinating it seems one could spend every moment of a life time and still not consume all the juicy delicious bits and pieces of information that exists about relationships. And there are so many “Rabbit Holes” to explore which loop and back track to one topic to another. Yes, relationships are uniquely fascinating as the human species. However, in all the reading what has struck me is this:
“Each relationship is a form of someone’s truth of reality –an extension and expression of one’s self.” MCS
A relationship is the process of Individual–Selves- joining together in a bond of unity or exchange as cells in a human being are joined in unity, merging as one organ or move in exchange carrying out their predestinated function for providing nourishment, cleansing or signally a need for nourishment or cleansing.
There are so many clichés that describe or explain the coming and going of people in our lives or the influence they have upon us.
But do these cliché’s really serve us? I don't know perhaps they do in some way. People are always trying to name and explain
"So what is my reality?" I have to ask myself. Perhaps by the end of the article or reading of this edition of Recovering the Self I will have a better understanding of what my reality is for this moment in time.
"What kind of "Individual Self" am I?" Another question I cannot answer for myself. Hmmm. So on this journey of self discovery I trudge onward and upward (hopefully).
Then the words of my guru come to my mind. "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind, love your neighbor as yourself."
This is considered the greatest of all commandments for all the commandments are contained in this three tiered commandment of love God, neighbor and self.
Is this a commandment of love God first, then Neighbor and then lastly Self? What if loving Self was the foundation; then loving Self and Neighbor was a way to love God? How does this all work any how?
Is it possible to love God with one’s whole heart, soul, strength and mind and love one’s neighbor if one does not love one’s self? What does it mean to love one’s self? Why does the simple need to be so complex?! Grrr! Or does it? No. The simple does not need to be complex. Sometimes complexity is simple.
Just because the questions are piling up does not mean there are not answers. There are always answers. They are waiting like jewels to be found. So bare with me please as I try to find my answers and hopefully you will too. Perhaps we will forge a relationship while we are seeking the answers to these questions?
Loving one’s self is not a narcissistic personality disorder which one is being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. (1) Loving one’s self is really getting to know one’s self as a person and making wise decisions with an attitude of thankfulness that 1/You are here alive at this moment in time; 2/you are a very good person; 3/You are created by Love, in Love, to be Love, to be loved, to be Love, for Love.; 4/therefore one’s self –the individual self- is a cell in the body of Love. 5/this makes you a part of a whole –Love, God, the human family.
It is said that the pure in heart will see the image of God. Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the people around you. You have seen God. For each individual is an individual self (cell) carrying Love’s DNA – Love’s essence.
It can be difficult to believe the DNA of Love lives with in each of us when one has had a difficult or traumatic upbringing or is currently suffering through a hardship that torments the emotional, spiritual and mental core of one’s being. However, circumstances do not negate the Truth. Circumstances do make the Truth difficult to believe and more of a challenge to live but not impossible.
Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.”
Polonius: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Laertes: Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82 (2)
Before one can be true to one’s self, one must know one’s self. Quite the challenge if one has not been encouraged to rest in the security of loving acceptance to get to know one’s self. Even more of a challenge when living has been nothing more than strategically surviving and fulfilling other people’s whims to the point of self negligence or through the veil of other people’s perspectives as a result of fulfilling whims. Not too many people have an honest relationship with themselves. Courage, honesty, objective creative curiosity, integrity, trust of self, and compassion are required more constistantly and intensely than with any other interaction we might otherwise have with other people. Let’s face it no matter how hard one tries one cannot escape one’s self so it really is best to love thy self and to thy ownself be true. But this all requires building a strong relationship with one's self in other words establishing your core identity and how you will conduct or express your core identity in this world.
If someone asked you: “What are your favorite foods?” “What movies do you like?” “What music do you like?” “Would you rather go to Aspen, Colorado, or Paris, France, one day?” Would you be able to answer? Do you like the color red or the color purple? Do you like mangos? Who is your favorite author and why? What do you believe is your purpose? What are your life goals? What talents do you have?
Answering such questions demonstrates a sense of knowing one’s self. It also demonstrates not only a sense of self awareness but also self discovery and self acceptance. When one can answer confidently to his or herself that what one likes for their own personal reasons one is demonstrating self independence and self acceptance.
I used to have a problem answering these questions. Once when as an adult out on a date such types of questions as listed above were asked of me by a man interested in me and I could not respond because I did not know myself. He could not accept my explanation that those were all good questions that I could not answer. When asked Why not? I responded that as a child my likes and activities were imposed upon me, in my early adult years I only knew what boundaries I needed to set to protect myself, as an older adult, I was too much in the groove of crisis control and for all of my life I was in survival mode. So therefore, I allowed myself for most of my life to live under the cloud of other persons’ impressions of me for so long that I really lost the sense of myself as being a person worth knowing. I became robotic living on automatic. He, then, stood up, paid the bill and walked right out of the restaurant. His reaction really woke me up and I decided the next time when asked these questions by anyone, I would have answers. So I took the time to learn to get to know myself as a person. To my surprise, I learned I found myself interesting and enjoyed my own company.
It has taken me years to learn that I am a likeable person just on my own standing. And to my chagrin it still takes another person to explain myself to me sometimes. I still find myself having a certain disconnect with my own persona and myself as a person. Yet, my life is much safer than I lived years before and much more fulfilling in some ways. I am hopeful that the areas that have huge gaping holes and heartache will close up and heal up as I become more acquainted with myself and continue to make wise decisions with in the boundaries and vision I have set for myself.
The individual self that I am is a work in progress as I venture each day on the journey of self discovery. Each moment of discovery results in a bit more of healing and regrouping of me, therefore strength is gained each day. Most of the times these epiphanies are experienced when I am helping someone else go through a similar process as I am. What discoveries are you making? If something unpleasant is discovered, purpose –decide- to stop the activity that is lending to the unpleasantness in your life and exchange it with one that lends more stability and solidness in your life and character. What is beautiful about the command to Love the Lord Your God with one’s heart, soul, strength and mind and to love one’s neighbor as one’s self is that the result is self healing, lives changed, and a wonderfully gorgeous world created. All of this achieved through a wildly exciting adventure of being your authentic self, making wise decisions and living surrendered to the ways of Love.
Today, one would never guess, that I was suicidal most of my life and hated myself, people and God. It is still a challenge to be loving, kind and diplomatic. It is still a challenge not to be a hermit. I do love myself more than I have over the years but have found myself still in need of ridding myself of sabotaging actions. Everyday, is a challenge to live more intuitively and authentically; however, because I ask of no one what I myself have not incorporated into my own character, I am challenged to learn and live the lessons until mastered and absorbed into my being. This is my reality.
I still have a long way to go to embrace fully this relationship with myself. But one cannot divorce one’s self not even in death. My latest ventures have me exploring and fulfilling childhood dreams that were long forgotten. The greatest pleasure has been helping other people gain a sense of wholesomeness in their lives as they overcome challenges.
“Each relationship is a form of someone’s truth of reality –an extension and expression of one’s self.” MCS
A relationship is the process of Individual–Selves- joining together in a bond of unity or exchange as cells in a human being are joined in unity, merging as one organ or move in exchange carrying out their predestinated function for providing nourishment, cleansing or signally a need for nourishment or cleansing.
There are so many clichés that describe or explain the coming and going of people in our lives or the influence they have upon us.
But do these cliché’s really serve us? I don't know perhaps they do in some way. People are always trying to name and explain
"So what is my reality?" I have to ask myself. Perhaps by the end of the article or reading of this edition of Recovering the Self I will have a better understanding of what my reality is for this moment in time.
"What kind of "Individual Self" am I?" Another question I cannot answer for myself. Hmmm. So on this journey of self discovery I trudge onward and upward (hopefully).
Then the words of my guru come to my mind. "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind, love your neighbor as yourself."
This is considered the greatest of all commandments for all the commandments are contained in this three tiered commandment of love God, neighbor and self.
Is this a commandment of love God first, then Neighbor and then lastly Self? What if loving Self was the foundation; then loving Self and Neighbor was a way to love God? How does this all work any how?
Is it possible to love God with one’s whole heart, soul, strength and mind and love one’s neighbor if one does not love one’s self? What does it mean to love one’s self? Why does the simple need to be so complex?! Grrr! Or does it? No. The simple does not need to be complex. Sometimes complexity is simple.
Just because the questions are piling up does not mean there are not answers. There are always answers. They are waiting like jewels to be found. So bare with me please as I try to find my answers and hopefully you will too. Perhaps we will forge a relationship while we are seeking the answers to these questions?
Loving one’s self is not a narcissistic personality disorder which one is being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. (1) Loving one’s self is really getting to know one’s self as a person and making wise decisions with an attitude of thankfulness that 1/You are here alive at this moment in time; 2/you are a very good person; 3/You are created by Love, in Love, to be Love, to be loved, to be Love, for Love.; 4/therefore one’s self –the individual self- is a cell in the body of Love. 5/this makes you a part of a whole –Love, God, the human family.
It is said that the pure in heart will see the image of God. Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the people around you. You have seen God. For each individual is an individual self (cell) carrying Love’s DNA – Love’s essence.
It can be difficult to believe the DNA of Love lives with in each of us when one has had a difficult or traumatic upbringing or is currently suffering through a hardship that torments the emotional, spiritual and mental core of one’s being. However, circumstances do not negate the Truth. Circumstances do make the Truth difficult to believe and more of a challenge to live but not impossible.
Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.”
Polonius: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Laertes: Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82 (2)
Before one can be true to one’s self, one must know one’s self. Quite the challenge if one has not been encouraged to rest in the security of loving acceptance to get to know one’s self. Even more of a challenge when living has been nothing more than strategically surviving and fulfilling other people’s whims to the point of self negligence or through the veil of other people’s perspectives as a result of fulfilling whims. Not too many people have an honest relationship with themselves. Courage, honesty, objective creative curiosity, integrity, trust of self, and compassion are required more constistantly and intensely than with any other interaction we might otherwise have with other people. Let’s face it no matter how hard one tries one cannot escape one’s self so it really is best to love thy self and to thy ownself be true. But this all requires building a strong relationship with one's self in other words establishing your core identity and how you will conduct or express your core identity in this world.
If someone asked you: “What are your favorite foods?” “What movies do you like?” “What music do you like?” “Would you rather go to Aspen, Colorado, or Paris, France, one day?” Would you be able to answer? Do you like the color red or the color purple? Do you like mangos? Who is your favorite author and why? What do you believe is your purpose? What are your life goals? What talents do you have?
Answering such questions demonstrates a sense of knowing one’s self. It also demonstrates not only a sense of self awareness but also self discovery and self acceptance. When one can answer confidently to his or herself that what one likes for their own personal reasons one is demonstrating self independence and self acceptance.
I used to have a problem answering these questions. Once when as an adult out on a date such types of questions as listed above were asked of me by a man interested in me and I could not respond because I did not know myself. He could not accept my explanation that those were all good questions that I could not answer. When asked Why not? I responded that as a child my likes and activities were imposed upon me, in my early adult years I only knew what boundaries I needed to set to protect myself, as an older adult, I was too much in the groove of crisis control and for all of my life I was in survival mode. So therefore, I allowed myself for most of my life to live under the cloud of other persons’ impressions of me for so long that I really lost the sense of myself as being a person worth knowing. I became robotic living on automatic. He, then, stood up, paid the bill and walked right out of the restaurant. His reaction really woke me up and I decided the next time when asked these questions by anyone, I would have answers. So I took the time to learn to get to know myself as a person. To my surprise, I learned I found myself interesting and enjoyed my own company.
It has taken me years to learn that I am a likeable person just on my own standing. And to my chagrin it still takes another person to explain myself to me sometimes. I still find myself having a certain disconnect with my own persona and myself as a person. Yet, my life is much safer than I lived years before and much more fulfilling in some ways. I am hopeful that the areas that have huge gaping holes and heartache will close up and heal up as I become more acquainted with myself and continue to make wise decisions with in the boundaries and vision I have set for myself.
The individual self that I am is a work in progress as I venture each day on the journey of self discovery. Each moment of discovery results in a bit more of healing and regrouping of me, therefore strength is gained each day. Most of the times these epiphanies are experienced when I am helping someone else go through a similar process as I am. What discoveries are you making? If something unpleasant is discovered, purpose –decide- to stop the activity that is lending to the unpleasantness in your life and exchange it with one that lends more stability and solidness in your life and character. What is beautiful about the command to Love the Lord Your God with one’s heart, soul, strength and mind and to love one’s neighbor as one’s self is that the result is self healing, lives changed, and a wonderfully gorgeous world created. All of this achieved through a wildly exciting adventure of being your authentic self, making wise decisions and living surrendered to the ways of Love.
Today, one would never guess, that I was suicidal most of my life and hated myself, people and God. It is still a challenge to be loving, kind and diplomatic. It is still a challenge not to be a hermit. I do love myself more than I have over the years but have found myself still in need of ridding myself of sabotaging actions. Everyday, is a challenge to live more intuitively and authentically; however, because I ask of no one what I myself have not incorporated into my own character, I am challenged to learn and live the lessons until mastered and absorbed into my being. This is my reality.
I still have a long way to go to embrace fully this relationship with myself. But one cannot divorce one’s self not even in death. My latest ventures have me exploring and fulfilling childhood dreams that were long forgotten. The greatest pleasure has been helping other people gain a sense of wholesomeness in their lives as they overcome challenges.
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