THE QUEST -THE JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS by Michelle Carmela Saldana
For the Recovering The Self Magazine. -Summer Quarterly Issue.
The unseen is just as real as the seen. The unseen influences the seen either for the
positive or the negative. What to do when the unseen seems to negatively impact or
undo the dreams, goals and ambitions achieved? What to do when the unseen seems
to cut off the potential of possibilities? You stop. You ponder. You face the ultimate cosmic
open book test...Then you set out on THE QUEST... THE JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS. THE ULTIMATE OPEN BOOK TEST
Dueteronomy 30:15, 19 "See, I have set before you today life and good,
death and evil...I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you,
that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;
therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your descedants may live..."
For most people life is the next adventure or adrenaline rush. For
other people life is the process of making memories, achieving dreams
of sucess that perhaps society has dictated for them. For others
living is a meshing together of the first two groups perceptions. And
for others their perceptions of life are so out of the box or many
light years ahead than the rest of us.
How would you react if you were to hear that you possibly only have
hours, days, weeks to live and modern medicine cannot help you and
although you lived as healthy as you knew how your body was still
dying? What would you do?
There There standing at the foot of my hospital bed were five doctors
looking at me. Three with each of their faces betraying mixed emotions
of compassion, empathy, astonishment. One with astonishment and
irritation. The last with a cool analytical yet inquizative look.
After they introduced themselves an awkward hush inflitrated the room.
Silently, I sized each of them up; amazed to see the cool detached
bedside manner replaced with such vulerability. I then realized they
were also studying me. I had a feeling like I was a strange creature
they were trying to identify. Finally, as awkward moments ticked by, I
was the one to break the silence.
"You are a psychatrist, aren't you?" I asked the tall one at the end.
"I am." He replied. "Are you here for me or for them?" I asked
indicating the other doctors with a nod of my head. "Both." He
responded with a slight chuckle. "I see you have a sense of humour."
I retorted. "It is a direct honest question. Look at their faces." I
again nodded in the direction of the other doctors. Then he nodded
reassuredly at the female doctor who stood at the beginning of the
line. She looked at him like a little girl being encouraged and
consoled by her father. She handed me a thick file with these words,
"You were dead for several hours. Your being an organ donor saved
your own life."
"Wait. What? I don't understand." Came an automatic response. With
another encouraging nod to proceed, the good doctor plotted along
chosing her words carefully. She explained to me the examination
process a body goes through in order for the donor's organs to be
harvested. It seems that my body had undergone this hours long process
and mercifully I did not nor still do not recall waking up at the time
the process for harvesting was about to begin. "You were dead several
times in the ICU even." She went on. One of the other doctors now
spoke up. "You died several times in the ICU and flickered in and out
of coma and conscieousness, as well."
"We thought we were going to loose you, then." The first doctor
responded her voice wavering ever so slightly.
As the ICU doctor continued on, my ears only half heard his words.
The vague feeling of "I know him from somewhere" was replaced with
"this is a nightmare." I began pinching my upper left forearm with my
right thumb and index finger. Noticing my actiions, the psychatrist
interjected. "You are not dreaming. Mrs. Saldana."
The ICU doctor concluded with a statement that shocked me to the bone.
"What my ICU staff went through, they will never be the same." He
said.
Hours later an immunologist specialist was seated in my room taking
his time in debriefing me of my symptoms and all I could tell him. In
turn he explained to me as patiently and as throroughly as possible
about "Idiopathic Anaphylaxis." I posed the question to the doctor,
"Beyond drinking the daily requirement of clean water, eating my daily
servings of fruits and veggies and walking five to seven miles a day
and staying away from my known allergies, what more can I do?"
"Not one thing more." The doctor responded. "Modern medicine has no
cure. Other than stablizing you when you come into the ER or
following protocal according to your state when admitted to the ER
there is nothing anyone can do."
"You are a bonified miracle. To my knowledge you hold the record of
living the longest with IA as well as holding the record of the person
who has died the most from IA on the count of living the longest." He
stated cheerfully.
"Don't you mean because I have gone to the ER so often?" I responded wearily.
THE QUEST-THE JOURNEY TOWARD WHOLENESS - THE FIRST STEPS -
Understanding The DiseaseWhen I was released from the hospital of August 2008, I used a
friend's computer and looked up the terms the doctors, especially the
immunalogist specialist had given me. It was nice to know that I was
not an irresponsible person or a hyprocondriact.
During the whole process, I wanted to understand this strange
creature I was being identified with. We had somehow become traveling
partners and instead of God and I determining my path and destiny, this
creature wanted to take control of the map. As far as I was
concerned, this was unacceptable behavior. However, it was not like I
could abandoned the stow- away at the next convient stop. This
creature became part of my body's being.
As I learned the details of the disease, I learned the disease my
body had suffered and endured valiantly and I was now more informmed
to protect her from the disease's rudeness and provide her an
atmosphere of peace and rest.
*For imformation about Idiopathic Anaphylaxis please click on the
following links...
http://www.allergyclinic.co.nz/guides/56.html
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anaphylaxis/DS00009/DSECTION=causes
Step Two -Own The Disease. Do Not Let the Disease Own You.
There were moments, hours, days when I felt so burdened, oppressed,
defeated, physically beatened and robbed. I felt threated and unsafe,
unprotected; vulnerable in the most extreme degrees in every area of
my life. In short the classic definition of my disease IA was trying
to own ME. Not happy with disrupting my life and those I was
interconnected with; Not satisfied enough with harboring within my
body; It wanted to take over my mind too? That I decided was Not going
to happen.
I found myself having a detached attitude about my body, yet
personafying my body as if she indeed were my sister or dear friend I
had betrayed or failed to protect. I often would hug my body and
through tears apologyze to her. I surrounded myself with what made me
happy, colors, friends, sounds, children of my friends.
With the understanding of IA, I began to make even more life style
adjustments which caused my body to strengthen and to a limited
degree, I was beginning to resume many activities that give my whole
being joy. Although in some cases, even my activities have had to be
retailored according to my body as she is now.
The changes have led to new creative avenues of expression and
adventure. I have also either discovered or developed abilities and
gifting within ME.
Step Three - Develop A Relationship With Your Body.
My body, mind, spirit, my core being, all that makes me ME is on one
magnificant adventure. Every adventure deserves to have a special
memory book. So I blog on Facebook about my health journey. Keeping
record of my body's health progess, what imformation I have learned
about IA, my hospital experiences, and conversations I have had with
my doctors. I must say it is a lot of work. This otherwise very
private information I have allowed to be public. And I am most
fortunate that my doctors have appreciated the work, effort, research
and progress I have made in life in general despite IA .
I have come to realize my thoughts are not my body, yet like eyes
setting the course of direction for the feet, my thoughts set the
course of my destiny. Yet, it is my body which performs the actions
that manifest my destiny. My emotions are not my body however my body
produces hormones and chemicals which produce my emotions. It is also
my body which is affected by my emotions. The most common examples of
this is love's affect on the emotional, mental and physical heart; and
likewise, the same can be said for stress.
Step Four - Honor Your Body's History
Made up of the same materials that produced the earth, moon and stars,
your body is uniquely designed to house your spirit and emotions. Your body
is connected with both the history of the stars and the history of humanity. You
have lived many years within your body and walked through many stages of
living to get to where you are today and where you are going tomorrow.Your body is not the enemy. Your body is your faithful friend, your
home, your vehicle, the provider of your legal right and practical
ability to be here on earth. For the most part your body has performed
faithfully the most basic of functions even in the midst of great
adversity. Perhaps you have over worked your body, pushing yourself
to the brink in order to achieve your ambitions...Perhaps others have
pushed your body to the brink for their own gain...Now is the time to
be good to your faithful friend who has shared your spirit's and
mind's history.
For many reasons, a person may have issues with his or her body and
they will wish to master their body. On the rare occassion this is a
productive course. For the most part when one master's their thoughts
while giving their body the most natural beenefitial nutition not only
does the body come in line but the emotions and thoughts are also in
alignment and an attunded connectivity comes occurrs within one's
whole being.
*If perhaps you have endured trauma, even if you have overcome the
stress, abuse or trauma within your mind, and emotions and are living
as healthy as possible, it is still possible your body is not at the
total nutritional level it needs to heal. Please get the help you
need to mentally, emotionally and spiritually break free, but also
understand, you will not be free physically, emotionally or
economically to live the life you envisioned for yourself until your
body's immune system and adrenal glands are restored back to right
and the infections injected or inflicted upon you or resulted from the
abuse or stress you perhaps experienced.
Step Five - Celerate Your Life's Journey
Your body is so awesome even with what some would see as an non-ideal
situation your body is capable of amazing achievements. Look back
over your life and take note of damage that was done to your body and
how it either, healed, compensated or even in spite of adversity it
still affords you the best life you Dare to live.
Disease is first and foremost dis-ease. What negative thoughts,
negative opinions and area of fear due to lack of knowledge you
entertain causes negative emotion. These and all emotions are
chemicals sent thoughout the body affecting the body negatively
causing a new level of dis-ease. Likewise LISTEN to when your inner
intuition warns you about something. You know that "gut feeling"
almost never lies. Listen to your gut. Even if your gut is wrong, it
is always better to be safe than sorry.
Decide to thrive! Eat from the rainbow of life! Eating colorful
natural foods that work for your chemical makeup adds such a beautiful
vibrancy to your whole well being. Remember eating is not just a
matter of personal taste or family and natural culture but also a
matter what foods work well with your body.
Since you yourself know the effort it is for you to be here living on
earth, acknowledge the efforts of others and the fact they are here
and you had the priviledged pleasure of shared interaction. You
created a memory together.
A dear friend an ocean and continent away once called me with this
message..."Anyone can die. It takes very little effort to die. It
takes great effort to live. It takes a great deal of the help of
others to live. You are often helping other people to live. It is
time you do the same. Choose Life! "
Step Six - This Is YOUR JOURNEY
The main purpose of disease within your body is to serve as awake up
call that some things need changed within your thinking and habits or
life choices. As you understand the disease you will have a deeper
understanding of the dis-ease. Resources and knowledge will come
intertwined within the research you conduct. This knowledge and
research will allow you to make informed decisions and possibly more
effective actions.
I urge you to embrace the stance of Pro-Choice Of Life. Only you what
constitutes quality of life. Do not let anyone make these
determinations for you, yet be opened minded towards the opinions that
come your way. When you have solid peace that you are making an
informed well thought out thoroughly research and contemplated
decision your loved ones will have a greater sense of peace about any
decsion you make. Still you might want to descretly make your own
arrrangements if possible to assure your wishes are fulfilled.
Step Seven - Take Others With You
Every person is a source of inspiration. Soak it up. And know even on
the days you feel like muck and mush, someone is inspired by the
awesomenness they see oozing out of you.
"Carmela" was born and raised into a Mafia life and is a survivor of Human Trafficking. For the past 25 years, Carmela has been educating Americans via radio, TV, internent, social media, in print and in person how to identify and deal with the complexities of Human Trafficking such as "generational fallout," child/domestic abuse, homelessness, human trafficking, and organized crime. Carmela servers on the boards of several organizations and NGO’s in various capacities. In the Fall her book "Armchair Abolitionist" will be released and she will be moving to Nairobi, Kenya, to work in partnership with Tradional Healthcare Integrated Network of Kenya to develop her theory that people who have endured stresses and trauma have greater nutritional needs. For more information please go to http://www.onceuponaneden.weebly.com. To contact Carmela email onceuponaneden@gmail.com
For the Recovering The Self Magazine. -Summer Quarterly Issue.
The unseen is just as real as the seen. The unseen influences the seen either for the
positive or the negative. What to do when the unseen seems to negatively impact or
undo the dreams, goals and ambitions achieved? What to do when the unseen seems
to cut off the potential of possibilities? You stop. You ponder. You face the ultimate cosmic
open book test...Then you set out on THE QUEST... THE JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS. THE ULTIMATE OPEN BOOK TEST
Dueteronomy 30:15, 19 "See, I have set before you today life and good,
death and evil...I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you,
that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;
therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your descedants may live..."
For most people life is the next adventure or adrenaline rush. For
other people life is the process of making memories, achieving dreams
of sucess that perhaps society has dictated for them. For others
living is a meshing together of the first two groups perceptions. And
for others their perceptions of life are so out of the box or many
light years ahead than the rest of us.
How would you react if you were to hear that you possibly only have
hours, days, weeks to live and modern medicine cannot help you and
although you lived as healthy as you knew how your body was still
dying? What would you do?
There There standing at the foot of my hospital bed were five doctors
looking at me. Three with each of their faces betraying mixed emotions
of compassion, empathy, astonishment. One with astonishment and
irritation. The last with a cool analytical yet inquizative look.
After they introduced themselves an awkward hush inflitrated the room.
Silently, I sized each of them up; amazed to see the cool detached
bedside manner replaced with such vulerability. I then realized they
were also studying me. I had a feeling like I was a strange creature
they were trying to identify. Finally, as awkward moments ticked by, I
was the one to break the silence.
"You are a psychatrist, aren't you?" I asked the tall one at the end.
"I am." He replied. "Are you here for me or for them?" I asked
indicating the other doctors with a nod of my head. "Both." He
responded with a slight chuckle. "I see you have a sense of humour."
I retorted. "It is a direct honest question. Look at their faces." I
again nodded in the direction of the other doctors. Then he nodded
reassuredly at the female doctor who stood at the beginning of the
line. She looked at him like a little girl being encouraged and
consoled by her father. She handed me a thick file with these words,
"You were dead for several hours. Your being an organ donor saved
your own life."
"Wait. What? I don't understand." Came an automatic response. With
another encouraging nod to proceed, the good doctor plotted along
chosing her words carefully. She explained to me the examination
process a body goes through in order for the donor's organs to be
harvested. It seems that my body had undergone this hours long process
and mercifully I did not nor still do not recall waking up at the time
the process for harvesting was about to begin. "You were dead several
times in the ICU even." She went on. One of the other doctors now
spoke up. "You died several times in the ICU and flickered in and out
of coma and conscieousness, as well."
"We thought we were going to loose you, then." The first doctor
responded her voice wavering ever so slightly.
As the ICU doctor continued on, my ears only half heard his words.
The vague feeling of "I know him from somewhere" was replaced with
"this is a nightmare." I began pinching my upper left forearm with my
right thumb and index finger. Noticing my actiions, the psychatrist
interjected. "You are not dreaming. Mrs. Saldana."
The ICU doctor concluded with a statement that shocked me to the bone.
"What my ICU staff went through, they will never be the same." He
said.
Hours later an immunologist specialist was seated in my room taking
his time in debriefing me of my symptoms and all I could tell him. In
turn he explained to me as patiently and as throroughly as possible
about "Idiopathic Anaphylaxis." I posed the question to the doctor,
"Beyond drinking the daily requirement of clean water, eating my daily
servings of fruits and veggies and walking five to seven miles a day
and staying away from my known allergies, what more can I do?"
"Not one thing more." The doctor responded. "Modern medicine has no
cure. Other than stablizing you when you come into the ER or
following protocal according to your state when admitted to the ER
there is nothing anyone can do."
"You are a bonified miracle. To my knowledge you hold the record of
living the longest with IA as well as holding the record of the person
who has died the most from IA on the count of living the longest." He
stated cheerfully.
"Don't you mean because I have gone to the ER so often?" I responded wearily.
THE QUEST-THE JOURNEY TOWARD WHOLENESS - THE FIRST STEPS -
Understanding The DiseaseWhen I was released from the hospital of August 2008, I used a
friend's computer and looked up the terms the doctors, especially the
immunalogist specialist had given me. It was nice to know that I was
not an irresponsible person or a hyprocondriact.
During the whole process, I wanted to understand this strange
creature I was being identified with. We had somehow become traveling
partners and instead of God and I determining my path and destiny, this
creature wanted to take control of the map. As far as I was
concerned, this was unacceptable behavior. However, it was not like I
could abandoned the stow- away at the next convient stop. This
creature became part of my body's being.
As I learned the details of the disease, I learned the disease my
body had suffered and endured valiantly and I was now more informmed
to protect her from the disease's rudeness and provide her an
atmosphere of peace and rest.
*For imformation about Idiopathic Anaphylaxis please click on the
following links...
http://www.allergyclinic.co.nz/guides/56.html
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anaphylaxis/DS00009/DSECTION=causes
Step Two -Own The Disease. Do Not Let the Disease Own You.
There were moments, hours, days when I felt so burdened, oppressed,
defeated, physically beatened and robbed. I felt threated and unsafe,
unprotected; vulnerable in the most extreme degrees in every area of
my life. In short the classic definition of my disease IA was trying
to own ME. Not happy with disrupting my life and those I was
interconnected with; Not satisfied enough with harboring within my
body; It wanted to take over my mind too? That I decided was Not going
to happen.
I found myself having a detached attitude about my body, yet
personafying my body as if she indeed were my sister or dear friend I
had betrayed or failed to protect. I often would hug my body and
through tears apologyze to her. I surrounded myself with what made me
happy, colors, friends, sounds, children of my friends.
With the understanding of IA, I began to make even more life style
adjustments which caused my body to strengthen and to a limited
degree, I was beginning to resume many activities that give my whole
being joy. Although in some cases, even my activities have had to be
retailored according to my body as she is now.
The changes have led to new creative avenues of expression and
adventure. I have also either discovered or developed abilities and
gifting within ME.
Step Three - Develop A Relationship With Your Body.
My body, mind, spirit, my core being, all that makes me ME is on one
magnificant adventure. Every adventure deserves to have a special
memory book. So I blog on Facebook about my health journey. Keeping
record of my body's health progess, what imformation I have learned
about IA, my hospital experiences, and conversations I have had with
my doctors. I must say it is a lot of work. This otherwise very
private information I have allowed to be public. And I am most
fortunate that my doctors have appreciated the work, effort, research
and progress I have made in life in general despite IA .
I have come to realize my thoughts are not my body, yet like eyes
setting the course of direction for the feet, my thoughts set the
course of my destiny. Yet, it is my body which performs the actions
that manifest my destiny. My emotions are not my body however my body
produces hormones and chemicals which produce my emotions. It is also
my body which is affected by my emotions. The most common examples of
this is love's affect on the emotional, mental and physical heart; and
likewise, the same can be said for stress.
Step Four - Honor Your Body's History
Made up of the same materials that produced the earth, moon and stars,
your body is uniquely designed to house your spirit and emotions. Your body
is connected with both the history of the stars and the history of humanity. You
have lived many years within your body and walked through many stages of
living to get to where you are today and where you are going tomorrow.Your body is not the enemy. Your body is your faithful friend, your
home, your vehicle, the provider of your legal right and practical
ability to be here on earth. For the most part your body has performed
faithfully the most basic of functions even in the midst of great
adversity. Perhaps you have over worked your body, pushing yourself
to the brink in order to achieve your ambitions...Perhaps others have
pushed your body to the brink for their own gain...Now is the time to
be good to your faithful friend who has shared your spirit's and
mind's history.
For many reasons, a person may have issues with his or her body and
they will wish to master their body. On the rare occassion this is a
productive course. For the most part when one master's their thoughts
while giving their body the most natural beenefitial nutition not only
does the body come in line but the emotions and thoughts are also in
alignment and an attunded connectivity comes occurrs within one's
whole being.
*If perhaps you have endured trauma, even if you have overcome the
stress, abuse or trauma within your mind, and emotions and are living
as healthy as possible, it is still possible your body is not at the
total nutritional level it needs to heal. Please get the help you
need to mentally, emotionally and spiritually break free, but also
understand, you will not be free physically, emotionally or
economically to live the life you envisioned for yourself until your
body's immune system and adrenal glands are restored back to right
and the infections injected or inflicted upon you or resulted from the
abuse or stress you perhaps experienced.
Step Five - Celerate Your Life's Journey
Your body is so awesome even with what some would see as an non-ideal
situation your body is capable of amazing achievements. Look back
over your life and take note of damage that was done to your body and
how it either, healed, compensated or even in spite of adversity it
still affords you the best life you Dare to live.
Disease is first and foremost dis-ease. What negative thoughts,
negative opinions and area of fear due to lack of knowledge you
entertain causes negative emotion. These and all emotions are
chemicals sent thoughout the body affecting the body negatively
causing a new level of dis-ease. Likewise LISTEN to when your inner
intuition warns you about something. You know that "gut feeling"
almost never lies. Listen to your gut. Even if your gut is wrong, it
is always better to be safe than sorry.
Decide to thrive! Eat from the rainbow of life! Eating colorful
natural foods that work for your chemical makeup adds such a beautiful
vibrancy to your whole well being. Remember eating is not just a
matter of personal taste or family and natural culture but also a
matter what foods work well with your body.
Since you yourself know the effort it is for you to be here living on
earth, acknowledge the efforts of others and the fact they are here
and you had the priviledged pleasure of shared interaction. You
created a memory together.
A dear friend an ocean and continent away once called me with this
message..."Anyone can die. It takes very little effort to die. It
takes great effort to live. It takes a great deal of the help of
others to live. You are often helping other people to live. It is
time you do the same. Choose Life! "
Step Six - This Is YOUR JOURNEY
The main purpose of disease within your body is to serve as awake up
call that some things need changed within your thinking and habits or
life choices. As you understand the disease you will have a deeper
understanding of the dis-ease. Resources and knowledge will come
intertwined within the research you conduct. This knowledge and
research will allow you to make informed decisions and possibly more
effective actions.
I urge you to embrace the stance of Pro-Choice Of Life. Only you what
constitutes quality of life. Do not let anyone make these
determinations for you, yet be opened minded towards the opinions that
come your way. When you have solid peace that you are making an
informed well thought out thoroughly research and contemplated
decision your loved ones will have a greater sense of peace about any
decsion you make. Still you might want to descretly make your own
arrrangements if possible to assure your wishes are fulfilled.
Step Seven - Take Others With You
Every person is a source of inspiration. Soak it up. And know even on
the days you feel like muck and mush, someone is inspired by the
awesomenness they see oozing out of you.
"Carmela" was born and raised into a Mafia life and is a survivor of Human Trafficking. For the past 25 years, Carmela has been educating Americans via radio, TV, internent, social media, in print and in person how to identify and deal with the complexities of Human Trafficking such as "generational fallout," child/domestic abuse, homelessness, human trafficking, and organized crime. Carmela servers on the boards of several organizations and NGO’s in various capacities. In the Fall her book "Armchair Abolitionist" will be released and she will be moving to Nairobi, Kenya, to work in partnership with Tradional Healthcare Integrated Network of Kenya to develop her theory that people who have endured stresses and trauma have greater nutritional needs. For more information please go to http://www.onceuponaneden.weebly.com. To contact Carmela email onceuponaneden@gmail.com
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